Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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