So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
