Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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