Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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