dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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