when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
