I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
