this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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