dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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