My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
