I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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