other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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