So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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