turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
