why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
