I want to make a zoo with you.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
