my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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