Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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