I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
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i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
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Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true