please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Sorry about my life...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
