If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late