I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
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