I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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