Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
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i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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