They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
