Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
