I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
