Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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