Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
