in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
