So drunk its hurt
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
