matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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