On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
