My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
