he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
