i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
