my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
