I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
