make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
