apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
