We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
