He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
