I think my fart just growled at me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
