just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
