I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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