Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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