paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize