Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Girls should come with a carfax report
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
