Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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