id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Dick very happy bro
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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