Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
