I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize