dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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