and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
