K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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