Don't you send me to vm
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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