This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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