My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize