Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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