so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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