i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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