I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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