Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?