maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
