yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
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He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
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Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?