it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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