lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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